ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
