ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
