My liver just broke up with me...
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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