so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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