And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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