everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
