everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
