Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
