I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
