so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
