last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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