Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize