I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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