Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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