I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
