the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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