He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
