I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
