Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Are we still banned from the library?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
