if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
it's like iHOP with fire
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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