Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
