you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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