pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
