i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
