i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
