I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
