somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
How's work?
Spinning.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize