does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
