you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Randomize
