i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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