id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
