i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
someone owes me an orgasm
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
