Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
