Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
