I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
