im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
