just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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