I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
