is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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