I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
the raccoons are back...
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