You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Can I color on your dick again?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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