I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Randomize
