and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
