I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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