I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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