Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
