can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
