I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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