Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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