Joe is yelling at the trees again.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
