he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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