I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
zippers are such a cool invention
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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