I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
