Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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