Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
