Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
