worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
