you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The feeling are messing with the penis
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
