I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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