is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Drunk is not a location!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
