Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
