I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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