I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
