he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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