is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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