I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
