I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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