you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
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