Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize
