It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
