I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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