There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
