Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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