Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Randomize
