I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
