Just fell off a train. Bad.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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