gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
