The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
