I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
