I bet he comes in French.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize