It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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