how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
