I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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