if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
