So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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