I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
