omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I don't think brook has ever known best
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
