I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
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