Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You can't motorboat a personality
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
