Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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