if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
