barbara walters just said penis...
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize