dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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