there's paper in my vomit.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
