my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
my sisters under your porch take her home
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
