are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Randomize
