Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize