She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
love makes seman taste better
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
