My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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