She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
