I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
