I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Screwed.edu
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
