Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
