my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i think i have two assholes
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
