Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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