There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
