You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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