Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
