I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize