the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I feel like death gave me a hand job
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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