you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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