Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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