i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize