I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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